I left behind a few things in college that I have missed over the past year and a half. Acting was one of them. So in order to remedy that I recently auditioned for and was cast in a play with a local theater company. It’s a small play with a short rehearsal period. I was cast two weeks ago and next Saturday is the performance.

Now it’s time for me to make an admission. I expected to step back into my acting shoes with the same zest and enthusiasm, but I find myself lacking the same heart and passion I used to have for acting when I discovered it. It is most certainly not because I have gotten used to it. It may be impossible to get used to something that changes with every role that one takes on. No, it seems that I have changed. My passions aren’t quite the same anymore. They may not have been for a while now, but I can’t say so with certainty… It all seems to have crept up on me without me noticing it.

And that is the way most of life has been lately on an internal level–a slow metamorphosis. So although someone else may notice a stark difference, to me, this is the way I have always been. It was simply just not on the surface for all to see. Perhaps that is why I am always stunned whenever a dear friend points out to me that I am so different from the way I once was… “You used to be so much more liberal.” And my response is always the same: “I was not as liberal as you thought I was or I appeared to be.”

It seems that we all have a hard time seeing beyond the surface sometimes.

But as with any metamorphosis, the potential is always within and it is only the next natural step to be taken. The layers shed slowly until the true form emerges, but until it does in old, old age, the onus is on us to look deep within the individuals before us–to see their depths as He sees their depths (“Deep calls unto deep at noise of Your waterfalls…”)

It is only now that I have come to understand the purpose of this blog of mine. You, my dear readers, have been watching one girl become the woman she is meant to be (the most cliched and trite of all descriptions but it is the only one that fits right now.) This blog existed for almost a year before it came to WordPress and I took it all down for reasons I can’t recall. Over time I will be re-posting some of the old entries that fell off into an abyss somewhere in order to make the picture more complete.

The journey and the metamorphosis end when I breathe my last, but there have been and will be many plateaus along this journey up the mountain. Hopefully somewhere along this upward climb my value will grow to exceed that of precious rubies. I will acquire clothing of strength and honor. I will only open my mouth with wisdom only and the law of kindness will be on my tongue. I will simply remain nothing less than a God-fearing woman for the rest of my days. I will become a woman with keys.

But I can’t hand it all away right here…

So next Saturday I will step onto that stage and at the end of that performance I will take my final bow. There are still many roles to be filled but they don’t require a stage or a script or lights and curtains…

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